Disability and Intimacy: A Personal Perspective on Self-Care
Being a woman with a disability is a big responsibility. You may feel it is your responsibility to overthrow the patriarchy our society has established and all the ableist factors that limit our daily lives. Not only do we have to fight for our rights, but we also have to justify that we have the capacity to deserve them... and that's exhausting. That's why we often need a helping hand. Intimate moments are essential to our quality of life. Oh, I'm sure you think of many things when you hear the word "intimate," but let me take you to another dimension of intimacy: self-care.
People have constant occupations. Every activity we do in our day-to-day, simple as it is, is an occupation, and these, which are many and very varied, have something in common and is that they are significant. Some are less than others, of course, but all seek to make sense of what we do, who we are, and who we want to become. Among the basic activities of daily life, we find that self-care is the foundation of all of them.
When we talk about self-care, we mean "taking care of oneself". You may think this sounds superficial, but to take care of yourself, you must be able to do so. For women with disabilities, this is really interesting because, through society's lens, we are less able to take care of ourselves. Besides being totally false, this is one more reason for our mind to collapse and need more than ever to relax. Therefore, returning to the subject, self-care is a way of relating intimately with ourselves. It's love, care and respect. But then... how can I do it? Self-care can be from going to the movies, ordering your favorite food or buying a new pair of shoes, relaxing and watching your favorite reality show, having a meaningful conversation with someone, or strolling through the park. All of these things are ways to be intimate with yourself. This intimacy goes beyond the carnal. It's relating to you and yourself. It is to be able to know you, to know your likes and dislikes, to know your strengths and your defects. It is to listen to you and your body. Intimacy is embracing your disability to see you recognized in it and accept your reality. When discussing our social dimension, it is easier to open yourself to others if you open up to yourself first. Interpersonal relationships are essential to our nature, but they can only occur with a prior awareness of ourselves as people. Then, we can give way to other forms of intimacy, such as affective or sexual. Women with disabilities are significantly in need of this intimacy. Intimacy helps us verify that our body is well, it is beautiful, it is desired, it is valid, and we will understand that other people will love us as we are and we deserve love.
Intimacy is also taking time to convince yourself that you can get the job you want without discrimination. Women are pressured into achieving empowerment and professional success to confirm that men and women are equal. The effort and frustration to show that we are equal is multiplied for women with disabilities. Our capabilities are questioned, our abilities are doubted, and our integrity is examined. Due to this pressure and injustice, women are crying out for self-care and intimacy.
The pressure society places on women stems from our choices being endlessly questioned. Do we study one career or another, aspire to significant work positions, be a mother or not, make our own decisions, take charge of our life, live as a single woman or as a couple... everything we do will be questioned just because we're women. But if you add the word "disability," these pressures are amplified. We've been taught that we have to be perfect. This is a great weight on our shoulders. Hence, creating time to be intimate with your self-care, pampering yourself, dressing yourself, understanding your emotions, and respecting yourself as a woman in a safe space is very important.
This is why self-care and intimacy go hand in hand. The importance of performing self-care activities allows us to achieve a quality of life that will enable us to develop our daily satisfaction, thus being able to play all the roles that, as women, correspond to us. Exploring and enjoying our privacy is one of them. As women with disabilities, society makes us believe that we are condemned not to enjoy our privacy - in any way - but isn't it wonderful to know that's not true?
Take care and fill yourself with intimate moments in your own way because you deserve them.
